I'm kind of numb right now. I got a text a few minutes ago from somebody that I hadn't talked to in a while, at least a year. He works at one of the hospitals and he wanted me to know that my dad was in there. Apparently he had a mild heart attack on Sunday. As in 36 hours ago. And nobody told me.
My father and I don't speak anymore, but nobody thought to call me. I'm not a monster. I'm concerned of course, but this rift between us isn't only my fault, and I've tried to reconcile things to no avail. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. But this just kinda proves what I already knew. I'm no longer a part of that world. That life. That family. And honestly it hurts and really sucks. It makes me think. Makes me want to strengthen the relationships that I do have and be there for the people that care about me before it's too late.
It's hard to live the life we choose at times. To embrace who we really are. Everything comes with consequences and a price. So I'm choosing to be grateful for what I do have. And try not to regret what I don't have. I'll say a prayer and check in on him. But I know where im not wanted. Where I don't belong. My heart is heavy. But I can't dwell. I know it will be ok.
Jake
I know where you are and exactly how you feel; I too am estranged from my family, for 12 years now. You're right, it sucks. But as you grow into who you truly are you will begin to view that as a part of your life in the past, almost like an old high school friend you've lost contact with. They'll always be a part of who you are, but you may grow to realize that they may not have to be what you will become.
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